Pupus...

MsRit emailed me yesterday. Saying that she loved this one song performed by an AkademiFantasia star.. she then sent me the lyrics & the mp3... originally by the indonesian group Dewa. She knew I would love the song.. or at least it would remind me of something, of someone.

Pupus- by Dewa

Aku tak mengerti apa yang ku rasa
Rindu yang tak pernah begitu hebatnya
Aku mencintaimu lebih dari yang kau tahu
Meskipun kau takkan pernah tahu

Telah kupersembahkan hidupku untukmu
Telah kurelakan hatiku padamu
Namun kau masih bisu diam seribu bahasa
Dan hati kecilku bicara 0...

*Baru kusadari
Cintaku bertepuk sebelah tangan
Kau buat remuk sluruh hatiku

Semoga waktu akan mengilhami sisi hatimu yang beku
Semoga akan datang keajaiban hingga akhirnya kaupun mau
Aku mencintaimu lebih dari yang kau tahu
Meski kau takkan pernah tau


I would have cried to this song 2 yrs ago, feeling used, betrayed, fooled... but not today. It'll be a waste if I still do. I've left 'em behind... thank god I left!

To H, sorry I didn't send ya a wedding gift.. sorry I couldn't be there on your special day.. I drove past your place that day but I just did not have the strength to stop and see you 'on the throne'...
inside.. I'm saying a little prayer.. I pray that life treats you kind... and now that you're a daddy, be a good daddy... and please treat her right...

Cinta ini sudah PUPUS!

of birthdays..

I think I've started to ignore people's birthdays.. when i make new friends, i no longer take the trouble to find out their birthdates. Have I started to become a bad friend? I used to keep close friend's birthdates in my little black book.. and i used to jot every birthdates i knew in the year planner at the start of a new year.. so that i do not miss any of them... so i dont forget to wish them...and i'd feel bad if i miss any. i used to keep at least 5 blank birthday cards at anytime, and buy more cards when i go to bookstores, so that i dont have to go and hunt for one when a birthday arrives. i don't know where that little black book is now.. must be in one of those boxes at home in Ganu... and i remember when I packed my things to send home from my penang flat last October, i had 8 empty cards tucked in one of the boxes.

few days ago a friend sent an email asking everyone in the mailing list to fill up our birthdates on a birthday reminder site... upon filling my particulars and clicked save, the site asked if i want to sign up and get them to remind me of friends birthdays. without thinking, i clicked NO. Err... does that mean i don't care bout my friends anymore? hmmmm... bad bad bad.

gym babe

here comes the weekend!

but weekend is just the same as any other day for me. May be i work harder on weekend compare to any other day... the only difference is I get to have nasi lemak/roti canai on saturdays and then off to shop for groceries.. after that, back to work.
Hm.. may be today will be different, there'll be a Hall's Party tonite... with a theme 'SUPERHEROES & SUPERVILLAINS'.. these adik2 managed to coax me to join them. They say "ala.. pergi la akak... boleh cuci-cuci mata.. mana tau ade 'good catch' ".. yeah right.. cuci-cuci mata tengok anak-anak bilis bersukaria.. i think i'll be there for a few minutes or so.. find myself something halal to munch.. say hello to a few familiar faces.. then i'll sneak out. no.. i'm not gonna dress as a catwoman or poison ivy.. i'll be a-tee-and-jeans superhero... even if such thing never exist.

a good thing i did this week.. i signed up for Rec. Centre membership. so now i can use the gym, join pilates, yoga, bodypump or whatever they have there... be a gymbabe! no.. not because i need to lose weight.. i need to GAIN weight, i a healthy weight. my weight never change since the last 6 yrs i guess.. and i'm in the group of 'marginally underweight'!

ada keja la... jgn tulis blog lama2!!

Siri bercakap dgn diri sendiri

Adoi.. apsal la ko malas sgt nak buat kerja hari ni.. interview recording yg sejam.. ko baru transcribe spuloh minit pun dah rasa tak larat.. headphone sket punye ketat ker.. hish.. sakit cuping telinga aku.. bila bosan mula la merayau kat internet baca blog org.. leka.. leka.. tak de kerja lain ke ko ni aaa? Sape kata tak der.. kerja banyak.. ko yg malas buat!
apsal la heater ni panas sgt.. dah la nak control tak boleh.. takkan aku nak bukak semua baju kot duk dlm opis ni.. see.. heater tu pulak yg ko marah.
Hari dah gelap.. baru pukul 4 lebih… nak balik umah ke tak? Kalo balik.. nanti ko tak buat kerja… malam tadi ko plan nak buat kerja.. tup-tup ko bantai tengok ‘desperate housewife’.. lepas tu ko nak sambung lg tengok “heartbreakers”.. nasib baik mamat Maldives tu datang dan ko lari masuk bilik pasal ko tak pakai tudung, kalo tak sampai tgh malam la ko tercongok depan tv tu.
Baik ko jgn balik lg.. tapi kalo aku tak balik pun belum tentu aku buat kerja… jangan.. jangan balik.. kalo ko tak siap transcribe satu recording tu.. ko jangan gatal2 nak balik rumah. Dok diam2 buat kerja!!

Awang Yang Terpilu

Everytime I dengar this song (in my head only! I don't have Ning's CD here), a face came to my mind.. not of Ning's.. but of the cute face here.. Awang! my beloved nephew. He mimes to this song with full expression.. his one and only favourite song... Punyelah.. pusing2 terkumat kamit, ternganga-nganga mulut as if he's the one singing it. penghayatan 101%!

mak cu miss u & the others so much!

Awan Yg Terpilu - Ning Baizura

Kerana cinta Aku kembara
Bagai camar Melintas laut
Mencari pohon Untuk berteduh
Kerana cinta Aku kembara
Ikut lagu Bisikan hati
Mendamba kasih Paling setia
Sepasang sayap Tak terlihat
Umpama mimpi Yang tersimpan
Jadi rintik Rintik hujan
Menciptakan awan yang terpilu
Puisi iniTercipta lantas
Tak kesampaian Hajat meronakan
Gelora rindu ku kepadamu
Ingin sekali Aku ungkapi
Isyarat jiwa Dengan sempurna
Biar kau mengerti
Biar kau sedari keadaanku
Yang memujamu

Saturday..

No, I did not join the Harry Potter fan today. I’ve neither read any Harry Potter books nor watch any Harry Potter movies… best sangat ker aaa Harry Potter ni?

Had nasi lemak & murtabak for breakfast.. enough to satisfy my crave for Malay food.

Cut my finger while grating carrots for my first try of baking carrot cake. My fault. I was doing 3 things at once:
*left hand holding the phone- talking to Vick thousands of miles away
*eyes on TV- watching The Simpsons
*right hand- grating carrot
the next thing I know- I saw red! My thumb is bleeding! Ouch!!… you see, my nerve reaction to minor cuts is relatively slow. I will see the blood first.. and later comes the pain. Haiyaaa.. tambah lagi satu parut!

The cake came out ok.. I hope no one will become Raja Bersiong after eating it.

On my own

On My Own - Les Miserables

And now I'm all alone again Nowhere to turn, no one to go to Without a home without a friend Without a face to say hello to And now the night is near I can make believe he's here Sometimes I walk alone at night When everybody else is sleeping I think of him and I'm happy With the company I'm keeping The city goes to bed And I can live inside my head On my own Pretending he's beside me All alone I walk with him till morning Without him I feel his arms around me And when I lose my way I close my eyes And he has found me In the rain the pavement shines like silver All the lights are misty in the river In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight And all I see is him and me forever and forever And I know it's only in my mind That I'm talking to myself and not to him And although I know that he is blind Still I say, there's a way for us I love him But when the night is over He is gone The river's just a river Without him The world around me changes The trees are bare and everywhere The streets are full of strangers I love him But every day I'm learning All my life I've only been pretending Without me His world would go on turning A world that's full of happiness That I have never known I love him I love him I love him But only on my own

down

don't feel like reading..
don't feel like writing..
don't feel like doing anything... blurghhh...

can't think of a title

pic: pantai murni (i think that was the name..) taken in early june..


it's already half past midnite.. am still at the office.. have to run home.. it's freezing cold out there... my first winter.

perhaps i should make a few calls before i go to bed... i feel like talking to Wick tonight... hhmm.. perhaps he's already on his way to an AF concert by now. Wick cancelled his plan to send me off at the airport because ASTRO staged a free AF concert in Putrajaya on the same night i left. I wonder why ppl is soo into this AF thingy.. ok.. i know.. i've never subscribe to Astro back in M'sia... so I shouldn't complaint.

found my torchlight... ready to go.. g'nite.