a murder plan failed

Let me tell you one little story...

I don’t have a room to call my own at the moment. My car (err.. the car is not really mine) is 'the place' where I layan my soul, just me alone, it’s the place where I can sit and think and nurse some pain or sing out loud to whatever song that came from the radio. A few days ago, while I was sitting and thinking in my parked car, at almost 12 midnight, I decided to end this blog. Yeah, that was my decision at that time. I wanted to pull off the plug. (wah.. macam lah important pun blog ni kan? Itu pun nak drama!..)

Why? I wanted to end my blog because since the new year, almost everyday, I drafted something sad.. sometimes full of anger… I’m not angry with anyone else, but rather with MYSELF… and after done with writing I kept deleting them, I didn’t get them published… almost like trying to delete whatever feelings I have.

So that night, I thought I’d better stop… stop being sad, stop being angry, and why not stop blogging altogether? I’ve been writing crap anyway.

So, there, at midnight, I drove to the nearest internet cafe. For some weird reason, after trying 14 times (yes, I counted!), I could not access my blogger account. Then the next day, after a discussion with former lecturer/ex-colleague, I took my laptop and went to starbucks. Something else happened, my wifi card gone wacko and I failed to get any connection. This time, I did not count how many times I tried. Grrrrr….

Hah.. there.. I saw the sign… don’t stop it just yet. I’d go kill ubisetela some other time lah.